When Jennifer Fitz sent out an email to CWG members asking for volunteers to write a blog piece in conjunction with CatholicMom.com’s new summer project, Lawn Chair Catechism, I jumped right in. The writers over at CatholicMom.com had chosen Sherry Weddell’s, Forming Intentional Disciples: The Path to Knowing and Following Jesus, for the framework for their discussion series. It seemed like a good opportunity to write something…anything that was removed from the projects I was working on – or rather the projects I was stuck on.
I took a quick look at the outline hoping one of the chapter titles would grab my attention. Ah! Break the Silence – perfect. My younger sister and I had just been discussing this, I thought it would be a perfect choice for me. I told Jennifer – sign me up! It wasn’t until after I’d read the outline and discussion questions that I realized, umm – nooo, not perfect. In fact, it was a terrible choice for me. Not only am I the absolute worst person in the world when it comes to talking to other adults about Christ – it’s only been over the last year that I’ve finally been able to say His name.
When necessary, I could say Christ or the Christ. I could sometimes say Jesus Christ but it was rare and I stuttered badly. Mostly I just stuck to Christ and said that as little as possible. But to just say Jesus, or talk about Him in that familiar, intimate way? No. It’s still hard for me. Now, the reasons for this, are better told another day. The important point here, is that I’m not the one who should be writing about the different ways one can initiate the discussion(s) necessary to encourage and guide others to develop their relationship with Christ – which is what Weddell’s chapter, Break the Silence is about. I’m the one she’s telling her readers to go talk to. Hmm, awkward.
Ms. Weddell suggests, once people like me have been…identified, (targeted? Suspected? I admit to feeling a bit defensive) opening the conversation with, “Can you tell me about your personal relationship with Jesus?”
I don’t want to speak for anyone else but I can tell you that my response to that would be something along the lines of, “Gosh, that’s kind of you to ask but I’d rather not – personal being the significant word in that question and I’d just as soon leave it that way.”
Probably my response would be construed at best, as being rude, at worst, as being uppity. Really – it’s just the truth. My relationship with Christ, such as it is, is personal. When we are together, I don’t say much, I don’t give much but I listen. I try to listen very, very carefully. It’s not a question of love, not a question of awe and certainly not a question of belief. It’s a question of finding out who Christ is for myself.
And frankly, there are an awful lot of people out there who are not terribly interested, really, in having a discussion with someone but they are terribly fond of the sound of their own wonderful catechesis. I’m not sure advising anyone to pick out people in the parish who they’ve determined are in need of relationship building with Christ and encouraging them to then take that person aside and ask them for a two minute essay on that relationship, is…helpful.
On the other hand, if someone were to invite fellow parishioners who, like they themselves, might be wondering how they can draw closer to Jesus, to come and have coffee and donuts with them after Mass…I might give that a try. Or, if someone put a notice in the bulletin that said, Are you free Wednesday night? Come and join a Roundtable discussion: I know where You are Jesus, I’m just not sure who we are when we’re together – I would so be there, even if they didn’t mention donuts. Better to invite people, with simple humility, to a real discussion than barge into their spiritual life without an invitation, me thinks.
Just in case you’re still wondering…why on God’s green Earth I thought I could write about Break the Silence in the first place –
My younger sister bought tickets for she and I to go to a Third Day concert (a Christian rock band). As we were heading out the door, my loving, creative, talented, oh so Not Catholic husband called out, “So. If I was lost in the woods would God drop a roast beef sub out of the sky so I wouldn’t starve to death?”
My sister, who was ahead of me and half inside the doorway and halfway on the front porch, stopped dead in her tracks. My grown daughter, who was sitting next to her father, slapped her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing out loud. I was not amused. He did that more times than I could count, always when I couldn’t stop and talk about it. My sister never lost a beat. She backpedaled through the doorway, and yelled back to him (over my shoulder), “That’s not how it works. God will stay with you so you won’t be alone and there’s plenty of crap to eat in the woods. I’ll see you when we get back!”
Only she didn’t say crap. Now there’s a woman who knows how to break the silence.
Annette K.Tenny
Annette Tenny is a regular contributor to the Catholic News Herald, the Charlotte, NC Diocesan newspaper. She has worked with middle and high school kids in sacramental preparation as well as the 'little peanuts' in Children's Church. Annette is currently discerning becoming a Secular Franciscan and plans to begin her Lay Ministry studies in the fall of 2012. She is also working on her first non-fiction book geared to those discerning or currently in the RCIA process.
Annette, I love this post. You are indeed the perfect person for the topic.
Thanks Jen!
Ha! Very funny, Annette. It’s a good post.
Like Dennis, I suggest that Silence is Golden. And not because it’s the favorite technique of those who adore St. Francis.
I would add to the point Dennis made. Certainly, we bring baggage to any discussion. If I begin speaking about Christ, whatever I believe, mis-believe, understand, or misunderstand colors what I say.
When we ‘break the silence’ we are no longer presenting ourselves as Christ to the other man. Rather, we are offering the other man an opportunity to credit Christ with our sins both real and perceived.
We see this most clearly when someone speaks on the topic of what Christ has done in his life to other believers. He credits Christ for the changes in his life and so do we.
But what about all those many cases when I don’t want Christ to take credit for my sins, real or perceived. Many are the times we show up in a situation, and we have no idea what others see in us or through us or about us – and much of it isn’t pretty.
If you choose that moment to mention Christ, or our Lady, or the Church, you can see the light go on, “Oh, there’s another one.” This can happen even by accident, or an inadvertent sign.
It’s bad enough when it’s obviously all on the other’s account. When one’s only fault is letting slip that one is both human and a follower of Christ. It’s much worse when one has actually erred. Few of us are saints, but when one slips up in the name of Christ, Christ, the Church and all Christians are condemned.
And does this not threaten the one who jumps to these conclusions. He may be a fool, but we are called to love everyone. Are we not encouraging him to misbehave?
It seems to me we tend to hide behind St. Francis’ legendary comments to avoid confrontation. But there are perfectly valid reasons for not sharing. It is not a matter of withholding a gift, but a matter of giving another person the gift of not confusing another man with the opportunity to conflate our sin with Christ.
Just offering the other view
Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment Dana. Can’t disagree with some of your points – have to say though, other people’s baggage doesn’t bother me much…unless they insist that I carry it… 🙂
Good point Annette. Thank you for your kind comment.
Other people’s baggage should be theirs, I generally agree. Your post is uplifting and positive. I was just pointing out a nuance.
On occasion one may have a reason to be concerned about baggage – situations where one needs to be on one’s best behavior.
I’ve spent a great deal of time in situations surrounded by non-believers, non-Christians, and just angry people. It’s probably an obvious point.
Though the Gospel, and our pastors may say, “Witness Christ” it may not be a good move if one is not a Saint or if one is in a situation where one’s mere presence or apparent affiliations will impugn Christ.
I was thinking of not making Christ carry ‘my water’ – regardless of whether ‘my water’ was deserved or undeserved.
Again, I have experienced many opportunities where one or more: God, Christ, my nation, my employer, etc., could have been impugned – especially by an ill-timed remark.
Once I even stood up for science, and nearly had my nose busted. (Yes, I’ve led an interesting life.)
We live in an age where some people are just too misinformed and too angry to have a discussion. It’s probably outside the scope of our day-to-day life with our friends and relatives, but it happens to me a lot due to my work.
Sometimes breaking the silence is the appropriate thing to do. At other times inviting others to come and sit in silence, like during a Holy Hour, is the way to go.
When we break the silence we tell others who Jesus is to us, when we invite them to sit in silence in front of the Tabernacle, we bring them in Jesus’s presence and He can do the talking.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Dennis. Reminds me of that old saying, “When the devil comes knockin – let Jesus answer the door!” LOL!