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So sorry that this series has been delayed for many weeks. Family illness and concerns needed all my attention. Perhaps this is a good time to share what I have learned about priorities in life. I find that most problems that I have suffered are self-created. Many of them are because I made decisions without referring to what Jesus taught us about who and what comes first. In my youth, I had a habit of getting my priorities all confused. I would make wrong decisions.

Those wrong decisions were usually made with emotion and not logic. This may sound very cold, but usually decisions made with emotion are the wrong decisions. I found myself in sticky situations that I created myself. I often ran around helping strangers while ignoring my own family. I was always the nurse who did the double-shift when the hospital was short, only to let my own responsibilities pile up until I wore myself out. The kicker was that often it was just my own emotional response that I was satisfying. More often than not the person I thought I was helping didn’t want or appreciate my help at all.

In middle age, I joined a lay religious community that taught me about priorities. Now when I make a decision, I always refer to the list that they gleaned from both the Saints’ writings and Biblical teachings. The community no longer exists, but what they taught me has stayed with me. I used this list in deciding to take a break from writing and care for my aged and ill mother. Let me share that list with you. Whenever making a decision, I look at what should take priority, and it always helps me make the right call. In order of priority they are:

1) God and what He requires of my station in life. This means doing what God and the Church require. For instance, perhaps all I can do with small children is get to Sunday Mass, not daily Mass. Leaving them alone in the morning would not be what God really wanted. Running out to novenas when they need help with their homework would be getting my priorities wrong.

2) I come next. This is not selfish. What I mean is that I am required to take care of the life that God gifted to me. I need to eat right, exercise, and find time to center my spirit with prayer and religious reading. I need to get enough sleep and find joy in nature. I need to laugh with friends and find time to get to the doctor and dentist. After all, if I am not my best, I cannot do my best for God or those He placed in my care.

3) My spouse comes next. Our relationship is sanctioned by God and our marriage is of the utmost importance. Marriage, in many ways, is a reflection of our relationship with God. It is in marriage that we often learn the meaning of sacrificial love, forgiveness, and real charity. The confusion usually comes in when children arrive. Our society teaches that children come first. That is wrong. We need to care for, teach, and love our children. However, putting children first can, and often does, destroy a marriage. I even have friends who put their hobbies, friends, and jobs first.

4) My extended family. This can be different at different times in life. My children, grandchildren, parents, and siblings top the list. However, an unmarried uncle or aunt may become a priority at certain points.

5) My job. So many people in our country make the mistake of putting work first. It is important, but should never be placed above the previous considerations. Of course most of us work to support the family and their needs, so it should be weighted in the balance. However, if your job is consuming all the time you should be caring for yourself and your family, something is wrong.

6) My Ministry.  Surprise! The work you do for your parish, prayer group, or as a volunteer comes last! I have seen so many people (including myself) get this one wrong. We are called to help others, to support our church, to reach out. It is what Jesus taught, isn’t it? And it is why so many confuse this. If you have time after all your other priorities are taken care of, go ahead and do it. If you can’t, remember that you will have different amounts of time at different points in your life. Your children will grow up and you will retire. Don’t allow guilt or pressure to force you into a wrong decision.

So this is the list I used to put my family needs above the joy I get out of writing this column. I hope the list helps you!

Now back to edits. I am not an editor. However, usually by making mistakes, I have learned to have everything edited by a professional. I do prepare everything before I send it out to an editor. I want to make my writing the best it can be. There are three main steps I take which I will discuss in detail in future columns. The three steps I take are:

1) Taking each chapter and, usually starting with a chapter in the middle of the novel, I remove all unnecessary words, phrases, and descriptions.

2) Chapter by chapter, I return and add needed adjectives, dialog, and descriptions.

3) I do a grammar, spelling, and logic check.

Next week, I will go into detail on how to do the chapter check and remove the unnecessary.

Karen Kelly Boyce lives on a farm in N.J. with her retired husband. She is a mother and grandmother. She is the author of “The Sisters of the Last Straw” series published by Tan Books. You can see her work and learn more about her on her website: www,kkboyce.com

5 Replies to “Monday’s Writing Tips – Priorities and Preparing for Edits”

  1. There’s a saying in the counseling community that may seem harsh but carries so much wisdom with it: “Feelings are not facts.” They may seem like at a moment in time but not matter what they are not facts. Surround everything with prayer and have a good director and/or prayer partner who can give an honest perspective even when it aggravates you. There’s probably truth in their opinion.

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