Step Four – Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves as writers and of our writing.
The first three steps that we have completed have been spiritual. They have all been about our relationship with God. Now we are moving into an action step. We are called to take a hard and honest look at ourselves as writers. In any business, inventory is necessary. It is never a treasured job. It is not something that business owners look forward to. However, in order to keep a business on the right track, a regular inventory is always necessary. It is how the business owner finds what works and what doesn’t work. It is the inventory that keeps the owner honest. For example, perhaps the owner of the corner deli loves sour cream potato chips. Because of his love of these tasty chips he ordered twice the amount of this flavor potato chip and just half that amount of barbecue flavored chips. He is sure that the chips will sell well. However, an honest inventory shows that he has run short of the popular barbecue chips and has numerous bags of sour cream chips reaching their expiration date. The inventory is the truth.
The truth is that people in his neighborhood prefer the barbecue chips. Now he can adjust his next order to reflect this truth. He can put the sour cream chips on sale before their expiration date and not waste his time and money trying to convince his customers to change their taste. It is an honest appraisal that has made this all possible. His business will grow with less waste. He will thrive because he is living in truth.
As Spiritual Writers, it is more important for us, as representatives of the Christian way, to live in truth. After all, we influence our readers. We represent the truth of Christ to our fans. How can we do that if we don’t live the Christian life ourselves? No, we can’t be perfect, but we can be closer to the Christ we follow. We need His grace to change, but we have to do our part. Let’s start with ourselves as writers. We will deal with our actual writing work later.
When I wrote my first “Sisters of the Last Straw” book, each character was based on a friend from my Bible study. We had been meeting for thirty years. We knew each other so well that we had learned to laugh at our weaknesses and foibles. I exaggerated the faults in each character to make them lovable and funny and anxiously awaited seeing my five friends and their reaction to the initial reading. What shocked me was that each woman had trouble figuring out which nun was based on her. No one sees their own character defects. Our personal image of ourselves is often false. You may think you know what is good and what is bad about yourself as a person or a writer. I am here to tell you that you can’t see yourself as God sees you.
All of us are sinners! And what is a sinner but a sick person that God wants to heal with His love. We can’t heal ourselves as writers until we take an inventory of the illness we have been carrying around. We have flaws that we can’t see until we take an honest look at ourselves. This is not something that you have to share with anyone but God. He already knows all about you, so the only one you have been dishonest with is yourself. Let’s start a truthful inventory of our writing resentments. Being writers – we’ll put them down on paper. Let’s make a list of those people, institutions and principles that have made us angry. Let’s examine what it is about them that made us angry. Let’s open the wounds to the light so they can be healed. You can make your list in the order of the amount of anger, or in chronological order of your life as a writer. Let’s face it. We have all been hurt. As writers we try to hide the pain and act professional. As good Christians we have learned to stuff our pain down with false humility and skin – deep forgiveness. But to allow God to heal our hearts we have to open our hearts and let his light in. We have to look at the pain and find our part in the pain. Here is an example of how to do the inventory.
I am resentful at: Mr. Know-it-all
The Cause: He ignored me after the conference, not taking the time to talk to me.
It affected my: (Pick one or more) Self-esteem, pocketbook, ambition, personal relationship, fear.
Another example:
I am resentful at: Howdy Doody Publishing
The Cause: Returned my manuscript unread
It affected my: (Pick one or more) Self-esteem, pocketbook, ambition, personal relationship, fear.
Another example:
I am resentful at: My mother
The Cause: Laughed at my desire to be a writer
It affected my: (Pick one or more) Self-esteem, pocketbook, ambition, personal relationship, fear.
Each morning, pray to God, asking Him to reveal the writing resentments you have pushed down. He will reveal many which you have forgotten, but are simmering deep within. Do this for two weeks and you will be surprised at what you discover. I know I was. It is the first step to allowing God to heal you and make you the writer you were meant to be.
Karen Kelly Boyce is a mother of two and grandmother of two who lives on a farm in N.J. with her retired husband. She and her husband love to camp and take ‘road trips’ around the country. She has published four novels and three children’s books. Her website is www.karenkellyboyce.com
Karen Boyce
Karen Kelly Boyce lives on a farm in N.J. with her retired husband. She is a mother and grandmother. She is the author of “The Sisters of the Last Straw” series published by Tan Books. You can see her work and learn more about her on her website: www,kkboyce.com