The ad for a national fitness center franchise promised that for $10 a month I could enter a judgment-free zone. It gave the hours where I could escape the judgmental world around me to enter a place where no one judges my looks. So from 5 a.m. to 11 p.m. on weekdays (18 hours a day) and another 16 hours on Friday and 12 hours on Saturday and Sunday, I can go there unafraid of anyone looking at me with a critical eye.
That adds up to 130 hours a week I would be accepted just as I am, without any stares or negative comments from those around me. I wonder how it would feel to fearlessly do what I need to do without any evaluating glances and raised eyebrows from those around me.
Need for affirmation
My cynical reaction to the ad says a lot about our culture. We judge each other by our outer appearance. So our need for affirmation counteracts our need to do what is healthy. Our self-consciousness overrides our need to humble ourselves enough to get fit, regardless of the intimidation of the sleek and strong working out next to us.
I can visualize how a judgment-free zone could apply to other times and places in our week. A judgment-free hour at the family dinner table with no negative talk certainly would be refreshing. Or a coffee break at work where no one disparages the face or form of his or her boss, employee, or co-worker. No gossip about who needs to go on a diet, update their wardrobe, or get a makeover.
Judgment-Free Sundays
We could designate one Sunday a month as “Judgment-Free Sunday” in our parishes. After Mass, we could enjoy donuts together free from concern about anyone’s shape, size, or wardrobe.
As Christians, we could take it so far as to stop judging each other’s children, singing, or piety. We could all just accept one another as brothers and sisters in the Lord, made in different expressions of His image.
Judgmentalism vs discernment
The Catholic Writers Guild is one of the few places where I see the a minimum of judgmentalism. How amazing is this when, as writers, we constantly need to decide what to put down on paper? And, as editors we must discern what changes will improve our manuscripts and those of others who trust our judgment? While we are competing with one another, we are helping each other succeed.
The expression “Love the sinner, hate the sin” in our creative endeavors means to love the writer and hate the blunders they make.
The truth, in love
Can we “speak the truth, but in love”? That’s the motto from scripture that rules two critique groups I facilitate. For the sake of our faith, we have humbled ourselves and agreed to submit our work for the professional judgment or discernment of peers we respect. We balance our constructive (read: negative) comments with praise. We try not to judge the writer’s motives or compare his or her spirituality with ours.
Not judging one another is a wonderful gift to receive and a generous one to give. Save the discernment for times when you are asked. Take a moment and consider what area of your life you would you like to live judgment-free. Balance that with loving discernment when appropriate.
What hour today can you give the gift of acceptance to someone near you?
© 2018 Nancy HC Ward
Nancy Ward
Nancy Ward, convert, journalist, author, and speaker, writes from Texas about Catholicism, conversion and Christian community at NancyHCWard.com, JOYAlive.net, and other websites and magazines. Through her Sharing Your Catholic Faith Story workshops, retreats and DVD, she shares her conversion story in Catholic parishes and at conferences, equipping others to share their stories. She contributed to the award-winning The Catholic Mom's Prayer Companion, facilitates two Catholic Writers Guild critique groups, serves on the Guild’s Board, and speaks at national writers conferences.
Arthur, thank you for your response. I value your discernment as well as your friendship. I wrote this for myself as I could use an overhaul in the area of not judging others. In the CWG we accept one another as our siblings in God’s kingdom. We stand ready to help them discern the best way they can use their creative talents, suggest fruitful resources and encourage them by tweaking their work. as wordsmiths, we know the difference between judgmentalism and discernment. Also, we remember that what goes around comes around!
Just realized how many typos there are in my post. Thanks be to God I’m writing for a non-judgmental group!
Nancy – This is a wonderful column! (I guess that’s a judgment, but a positive one 🙂 And very true. I find that, unlike some writer groups, the guild is not a place where writers are trying to one-up one another, that we a collaborating in the true sense, not competing. The generous help provided to one another is refreshing.
Of course, ironically, the most judgment free moments we have is with the One who truly is our Judge – but who loves us so fully that He wants to see us blossom into who we are really meant to be. Blessings, Arthur